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Before meeting my husband, I went on an epic dating reset that changed my life forever. I had an anxious attachment and kept dating unavailable men. It always started with excitement and I thought I knew better and was careful enough. Yet every time, when a text was slow to come or a date was cancelled, my anxious attachment would get activated. Once I got attached, I couldn’t get through my day without hearing back. Then a text would finally come and I’d go from anxious and unable to function t

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I will explain the scoring for each one. 5. Career progression to Director level: It was a big moment for me, but it was quite inevitable considering I already had big brand names on my CV and good network at that point. It also happened when I was already in a stable stage of life, so I was able to take risks and move fast. 4. Writing bylines and a Google knowledge page: Definitely super proud. I have been writing since I was a kid in Vietnam! I had no media connections in the UK. My writing su

Growing up, I heard enough about straight marriage stereotypes. The wife does everything at home, manages her husband’s emotions, and puts her own ambitions last. He gets a wife. She gets another person to look after. I saw it in my parents’ marriage. I swore I’d never marry a patriarchal man like my dad. I picked the opposite, but I didn’t compromise. I worked on myself, then chose a husband who is successful and generous, emotionally secure, attentive, and supportive of my ambitions. But you n

This was the final straw because I could no longer tell myself that the next man would make it better. I’d already tried that. Each time, I carried the same needs, hopes and fears into a new attachment. So I took a dating reset. And I had to do more than stop going on dates. I went to therapy. I let myself grieve things I’d been ashamed to admit had hurt me. I started building a life I wanted to be present in, learning to meet my own needs and taking my feelings seriously enough to act on them.

1. Your attention in itself has value and power. What you give attention to, you will get more of. Your attention is the reward that keeps a behaviour going. So do not spend it on bad behaviour. A new man who does not show up right? Don’t argue, bargain, explain or even bother to complain - Divert your attention elsewhere. A man who is hot and cold and reaches out out of nowhere? Ignore him. 2. When you meet a new man, he does not need to know you were hurt before or that the last man treated yo

You don’t find a great relationship for you by minimising your needs or diminishing your feelings. You find one by trusting what you see, validate what you need, take action to meet it, and make space for your feelings - your feelings and needs are valid. You find a partner who can meet you where you are. You can be ruthless in action and still feel everything. The point of doing inner work isn’t to feel nothing or never meet the wrong guy again - it’s impossible. It’s to have the tools and skil

Before changing my dating approach and meeting my husband, I used to date avoidant, emotionally unavailable men. I often didn’t even feel safe enough to tell them about my anxiety. If I did bring up something vulnerable, they could be dismissive, uncomfortable or simply not that interested. Or they would make it about themselves or use it against me later. In comparison, these were some of my husband’s responses when I told him about my anxiety. He asked questions. He wanted to understand what I

There was a reason why back then even when I dated different men the ending never changed. It was because I only changed the rules of how I dated but not the criteria of how I chose the men. I spiralled over the timing of my text messages, whether I had said something wrong, but I already picked the wrong man right from the get go because I was looking for the same emotional reality I had been used to growing up: small, unwanted and left. When I rebuilt self trust and learned to make decisions t

My life could have turned out very differently. I was severely anxious and I had really toxic relationships that damaged me deeply. But then everything changed in my mid20s. I was saved. By me. This is what life is like when you rewire your brain, shift your worldviews, build deep trust with yourself, make your own judgment and decisions that serve you, and your reality will reorganise to reflect it - a reality where you are loved and chosen and life is easy and fulfilling as you choose it. It

This is a more simplified version of it. There were also the struggles from being a minority woman in the UK, from growing up in a patriarchal society, from never quite believing I was beautiful or just simply enough. When I changed the voice in my head, my reality changed literally within months and then abundance kept coming. I was able to set boundaries and standards and act like the person I wanted to be until it became the new default. Today my life is unrecognisable. I carved out a path f